Here’s a link to my first blog post with The Trek …
- jenndonkin
- Feb 8
- 3 min read
I’ve been thinking about strength a lot lately.
In my late teens and early 20’s, waaayyy back in my college days, I was a rower at a division 1 school. Physically, I was the strongest woman on the team. One of my college room mates called me She-Ra, and I took a lot of pride in my physical strength and the things it allowed me to accomplish.
Fast forward 30 years, through the birth of 4 children, a now-dissolved 31 year marriage, 25 years of home educating my children, taking care of a farm full of animals, and having all the aches, pains, and physical changes that come with 55 years of living on this planet, and my understanding of strength has changed. I am no longer a college athlete, but I have gone through child labor without painkillers 3 times. I have seen the death and serious illness of loved ones, and have been a caregiver for some of them. I have gotten through all of the normal upheaval life brings, like kids growing up and leaving home to start lives of their own. I’ve gotten through the end of a marriage that I thought would last until one of us took our final breath, and I’ve gotten through the things that happened to cause that marriage to end. I am stronger mentally and emotionally than I could have imagined in my 20s.
Physical strength will be a part of what gets me down the trail this year, but my mental and emotional strength and resilience will be even more crucial.
During a shakedown hike with my hiking partner Keith this past September on a Connecticut section of the AT, I had a full-on emotional meltdown. I was frustrated about how difficult I was finding a particular climb; unhappy with my body’s physical strength, mostly because I was comparing myself to the 20 something version of me. Thoughts of how easy it “would have been” for me back then turned into negative, critical self talk. I have only started to be comfortable asking others for help (yeah, I prided myself on my stoicism for a long time too), so it didn’t even occur to me to talk about it with Keith until I blew up. I went on a tear-filled rant about how I was too weak, couldn’t do this, and was sorry I was so physically inadequate.
My hiking partner is much more emotionally intelligent than I am. We talked about all of the thoughts and emotions that were swirling around in my brain, and he reminded me that gasp NEITHER of us were in our 20s anymore and we would have to hike the trail differently as 40 and 50 something’s than we would have back then. I was still a bad-ass woman, he said, but a bad-ass 55 year old was going to have a slightly different set of strengths from a bad-ass 21 year old. It took me a little time to internalize that thought, but I’m happy to say that the rest of the shakedown hike went well and I found that I was able to do more than I thought I could. We completed about 27 miles of the trail on that trip, tested our gear, and found that we were comfortable hiking and camping together.
It is now 26 days until our goal date for arriving in Harper’s Ferry, WV.
I know that I will face many challenges out there on the trail. I’ve worked on my physical strength as part of my preparation, but I have also focused on improving my mental and emotional strength. I’ve worked on allowing myself to be more honest and vulnerable with those around me. I’ve learned techniques to help calm anxiety. I’m practicing more positive self-talk.
During the last year I’ve also read a lot of books written by past thru-hikers, and watched many videos from others as they tackled the trail.
Both have helped me to realize some of the things I now accept that I will need.
I will need encouragement from other people.
I will need to ask for help.
I will need to rest.
I will need to embrace the suck when the trail gets hard, and will need to savor and be grateful for the chance I have to experience living life on the trail.
Recognizing those needs does not make me weaker. It makes it more likely that I’ll be able to continue hiking, even when I might not think I can.
I may not be She-Ra anymore, but I’m hoping that the older, wiser(?) version of me has found a better balance of all of the types of strength that I will need on my thru hike.
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